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Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship that lasted four years, however I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men once more.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter someone offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.